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May 28th, 2008

May 2008 Tangents

Highland park has their own toilet paper with an embroidered crest woven from an authentic sweat shop manned by undocumented workers and subjugated silk worms.
 

John McCain chooses Melanoma as a possible running mate.
 

 Tom Cruise tries to trade his daughter Suri for a football
 

Tom Cruise found sleeping in kangaroos pouch
 

Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts star in “Forrest Gump’s Pelican Briefs.”
 

Dustin Hoffman is back in “Rain man and the temple of doom.”
 

I’m so tired I could eat a horse and blow glue bubbles.
 

FDA rules that all food will be produced near power lines
 

How would I kill Helen Keller? I’d probably buy a blank tape and play it next to her ear at full volume
 

Mankind has always been a curious species of terminally paranoid xenophobes eager to spot UFO’s and build a huge fence around our state borders with the satisfaction of knowing that Mexicans cannot afford space crafts.
 

 

Newly released “Bible Beater 4000” is heading to all retail and Joshua Christian stores May 29th; its like “Battleship” only better. The 2-player game starts off innocuous and cliché, both opponents sit at a table facing each other with their own copy of the bible and take turns reading excerpts until one of the players decides to initiate a debate with victorious intent. Point systems are frivolous and the primary objective is to stand your ground, maintain poise and look for weakness. Once all of that has been established the coup de grace is delivered in blows as the players begin beating each other with their bibles until one or both are rendered unconscious, and whoever wakes up spiritually enlightened is the winner.
 

 

Victoria Secret is set to design a line of lingerie for newborn babies hatched from the tightly inert birth canals of rich unscrupulous women waiting in line for their vaginaplasty
 

FOX network American Idol divulges a secret twist when Bryan Adams was crowned American Idol over both David’s.
 

Why is the US so paranoid about illegal immigrants? All you have to do is spill the blood from the average person’s family tree and conduct a DNA test and you’ll ostensibly find that historically we the people are ALL illegal immigrants except for the Indians.
 

Overcrowded prisons have begun to use makeshift prairie dog dens to relieve the inhumane living conditions forcing the prairie dogs to take lodging in bird houses and various crevices of the human body.

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Anything of interest to community college students; please blog with care and common sense. Pretend your teachers are reading this - they probably are!

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